What Does It Mean to Honor Your Father and Mother?

“Honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12) is the first commandment with a promise attached, and Luther’s explanation stretches it wider than many expect: “We should fear and love God so that we do not despise or anger our parents and other authorities, but honor them, serve and obey them, love and cherish them.” The commandment establishes the goodness of authority itself—the God-given structures through which he orders human life and provides for us. Parents are the first and most basic of these, but the commandment extends by implication to the other authorities God places over us: teachers, employers, pastors, and civil government (Romans 13:1).

Notice the specific word: honor. It is stronger and deeper than mere obedience. Obedience can be grudging; honor involves respect, gratitude, and love. And because it is about honor rather than only obedience, the commandment does not expire when children grow up. Adult children no longer obey their parents as young children do, but they never stop honoring them—with respect, care, and support, especially as parents age and grow dependent. Jesus sharply rebuked those who found religious excuses to neglect their aging parents.

Two honest boundaries keep this from being twisted. First, honoring parents and authorities is not unconditional obedience to evil. When any human authority commands what God forbids, the higher allegiance governs: “we must obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29). A child is not required to sin because a parent demands it. Second, the commandment is realistic about broken and even harmful families. Where a parent has been abusive or absent, honor may not mean warmth or trust—and it never requires remaining in harm’s way—but it still rules out contempt, revenge, and bitterness, leaving room for the honest, guarded honor that entrusts justice to God.

Underneath it all is a promise of blessing “that your days may be long” (Ephesians 6:3)—God’s assurance that a society ordered by honor, gratitude, and rightful authority is one in which human life flourishes.